HOW THE DREAMING GODDESS GOT HER NAME
The Story Behind the Name
Many years ago, my sister had gifted me with a silk scarf she had painted. When I received it I felt a deep impulse to paint on silk. Her design was abstract and very colorful. It looked like I could do it too! I made excuses to myself about being too busy to follow-up on the impulse but in truth, I wasn’t acting on it due to a huge block. When I was in third grade I had an art teacher who controlled what I could and couldn’t paint. Obeying her every whim, seeking her love and approval and never getting it, I gave up. Convinced that I had no drawing ability, I could barely doodle.
Years went by. I was in between careers and at a major cross roads. I was not happy with my life. I had a day job but needed a purpose and I needed it in the arts. A desire to paint had been surfacing for several years and I knew why. It is said that when God wants you to do something he plants that desire in your heart. But how would I get started? My desire was strong but so was my fear and my fear was winning out.
Life was dragging on. I was impatient. For some reason, I couldn’t hear what my marching orders were for this particular time in my life. One weekend, finding myself in the depths of depression, I prayed incessantly and insistently to Spirit. I was angry! I told Spirit that I hated my life and that I wasn’t going to accept it like this anymore and that he’d/she’d better do something about it RIGHT AWAY! On Monday morning as I dressed for work, I listened to the radio. They were telling the story of a woman who had joined the merchant marines and traveled all over the world. She spoke about what a great experience it had been for her. She was now so well schooled in motors that, if she chose to, she would be able to go to a tropical island and build herself a generator and be totally self-sufficient. All of a sudden something clicked inside me and I remembered a deep and old desire of mine to live on a tropical island and learn how to sail. It took me by storm. I had completely forgotten this dream. I had shelved it years ago saying that I would do it when I was through with my dancing career. Well now was the time for it! My soul was singing!
Now came the practical stuff. How would I make a living on a tropical island? My mind wouldn’t stop. I had to figure this out! One thought lead to another and by three o’clock that afternoon I had the answer! I would make hand painted silk sarongs! My prayers had been answered! I felt that familiar force behind my desire that told me I had what it took to overcome any obstacle and to stick with it until my efforts bore fruit. The next day I went straight out and bought my first bolt of silk and a rainbow selection of silk paints!
I was excited and scared all at the same time! How would I deal with the fact that I thought I couldn’t draw? I knew exactly how and I knew that I had to do it. In fact it was something that I had been telling myself for years that I needed to do. I would be able to move through my block if I practiced loving myself unconditionally. There would be no such thing as ‘not good enough’. From the get-go, everything that I would paint would be good, whether I could see it or not. I would have one rule and one rule only - I would not judge what I painted - not at all!. I would paint for the love of painting. I would paint for process, not product. . I would allow myself to paint only abstract designs and focus on the color. This way I wouldn’t have to deal with drawing. After all if Jackson Pollack could make a career out of it, why couldn’t I? I was onto something and I knew it. I would pray before I painted and ask for the grace to let my fear go.
I loved having a huge canvas! I loved the sensation of painting on the silk! I loved how the silk received that paint and did things with it! It wasn’t hard work at all! It came naturally! It was like I knew what I was doing! In between my painting sessions my fear and judgment would try, and sometimes be successful at, surfacing. But each time I set out to paint I would pray and each time the fear was transmuted into beautiful silk canvases of colorful universes that came out of nowhere! I began to incorporate my practice of Reiki, a hands on healing technique for channeling Spirit’s unconditional love, with my painting. I would ask for healing and at the same time I would consecrate the silk.
Painting on silk and installing healing prayers into the silk seemed to marry all parts of me - the part of me that was a healer, the part of me that was an artist, my love of fabrics and many years of sewing, my love of tropical islands with sarongs being their indigenous clothing and, last but not least, my love for clothing that is simultaneously beautiful, sensuous, practical and comfortable. I discovered way upon way of wrapping the sarongs! The silk felt simply divine on my skin and the hand painting was magical. I was not only wearing artwork but wearing a garment that seemed to raise my energy. They carried a very special vibration from consecrating the fabric before I painted. They were truly healing garments! They excited me to no end and I just knew they would excite other women.
As I brainstormed for company names I was looking for a name that could express my experience of being led brush stroke by brush stroke and watching how they would all come together in spite of me ‘not knowing’ what I was painting. I also wanted to convey the magnificent feeling of being a goddess that I felt when I was wearing the sarongs - beautiful and pure and light. I finally realized that what I was painting was coming from the vast realms of the Universal Creative Force and that it was the feminine aspect of the divine that was dreaming each silk sarong painting into existence. And with this realization, “The Dreaming Goddess” was born.
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